see you in sea world (sugartwins) wrote,
see you in sea world

My XBLA Uno Adventure: Children beware

So last night I was hanging out and drinking with a few buddies when I decided to bring the gathering inside to relax in some air conditioning. The night was winding down so I boot up the old Xbox to stream some South Park episodes through Netflix. Before I found the Netflix tab I noticed a green ring glowing under my television. It was my trusty Xbox camera that I thought would have a decent future when I purchased it. After noticing it I decided to load Uno real fast hoping that it would be more entertaining than sitting around watching cartoons. It was.

I bring up the list of rooms to join and click on the first name I see. It was something like XxxKazenonexxX or whatever. The first thing that comes to mind when you see a name with X's and shit is that the dude is some kind of nerdy hardcore gamer... Right? Entering the room I expected to see a smaller guy with glasses, not this giant cock on my screen. It was just chilling there. Flaccid and everything. The guy actually seemed relaxed just chilling there with his dick hanging out. I think he was on the phone with someone too. I look to the right of the screen and this other dude is beating off. Before I could say anything I was booted from the room.

After getting an eye full of dick I was hoping to at least see some titties, so the next room I joined was hosted by WhoreXChick or something similar. As soon as I connect I see tits (cool) followed by more dudes jacking off. They were telling her what to do (like a live cam show you'd see on a porn site) while they were beating off. They booted me after about 30 seconds. Probably because my camera didn't have a dick on it.

The next room I joined had this dude laying on his bed in short red shorts, a younger girl, and a creepy dude with a mustache and hair passed his shoulders. Seemed pretty normal until the dude lying on the bed start jacking off. Rather than exposing his penis he just put his hands down his pants and went to town. The strange thing is that the other two people in the room seemed to ignore the fact that some dude was lying down and beating off. Since nobody was doing anything about it and I wasn't getting kicked from this room I decided to plug in the mic. I don't remember what I said exactly, but I do remember that we carried on a rather normal conversation. He mentioned that he was masturbating over the chick that was in the room even though she wasn't paying attention to anyone in it. It was kind of like a David Lynch film.

The final room I joined was completely normal. Everyone was having a good time playing Uno. Then after about 2 minutes this dude asked me if I was going to pull my dick out. After saying no I was booted from the room.

You would think that Uno would be monitored more closely.

tl;dr: Play Uno on Friday after 1am EST if you want to see people masturbate on camera.

I did join other rooms with people stripping but I was booted instantly. I'm also pretty sure that if I had my penis out I wouldn't have been booted from most of the rooms and people would be amazed by it's size.
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